Sunday, July 17, 2005
Straight Single Guy Does IKEA
How does a single guy in Atlanta who has an acute case of OCD and a love for sports negotiate some home decorating shopping on the Sunday of the Open Championship? In what very well could become a "How To" guide for visitors from across the Southeast, I took on IKEA in under an hour. Gay guys and single co-eds alike can appreciate this.
IKEA might be new to folks in Atlanta, but I have been spoiled by having IKEAs as near as two miles from my house in San Diego, so experience certainly comes into play with the strategy.
First of all, setting yourself up for success before you even leave the house. Sure, making a list and checking it twice is always nice, but more importantly is to take advantage of your surroundings. The Southeast, Deep South, Dirty South, whatever, is also known as the "Bible Belt."Knowing this, do your shopping on Sunday mornings. The folks at IKEA are Swedish. They are also all about uniformity. The same uniformity that gives you lower prices and assemble it yourself shelving also gives you a store that opens at 10 a.m. no matter what day of the week it is. It should also be noted that IKEA serves a decent enough breakfast starting at 9:30 a.m. for prices that can't be beat... $0.99 for scrambled eggs, potatoes or grits, bacon or sausage and little swedish pancakes with tasty swedish jelly. So if you want to make your experience even more stress free, take in the grub. Knowing that it opens at 10... set your DVR, TiVO or whatever device you have to record the hour or so of the Open Championship that you'll be gone during. Finally, grab your iPod. A bit geeky, I'll admit, but you get to shut out the drone of first time visitors saying, "ohhhh, look at that, don't you think that will look good in the "whatever" room," and, "this stuff is so modern."
The next key piece of this is to plan your route accordingly, both getting to the store and within the store itself. Like the "Sheep Phenomenon," IKEA prides itself on being able to direct people. So direct they do... into the bi-level parking garage underneath the store, into overflow lots across the street and even across the freeway. If you follow the logical course of driving as close to the store as you can before parking, you will get caught up in this phenomon and end up perhaps further from IKEA then when you got in your car to start your trip. The secret batcave entrance to IKEA is located at the traffic light on 17th street by the Art Foundry townhomes. Instead of going "towards" IKEA, go in the direction "away" from IKEA. You'll find yourself on a two lane street going under 17th Street that, voila, puts you right in front of IKEA. You have your choice of the catacomb like underground parking garage or go to the small open parking lot next to the "Family" parking lot.
Once inside, IKEA again, attempts to herd you through their showrooms. And they are effective showrooms. Amazingly, anything that shows up in a showroom is likely to be sold out downstairs. To buck this trend, make a left at the top of the escalators instead of a right. Go backwards. If you start to see arrows pointing you the other direction, then you are going the right way. Working the showfloor backwards also enables to spend a little bit of time at each of the modules, since the mass of people are still bottlenecking at the front. The other almost renegade move is to know your shortcuts. IKEA, although a maze of sorts, does allow for direct travel with shortcuts tucked in corners and behind displays. After a few visits, you should know what you do and don't need to spend time at.
Once you have decided what you want, navigate through the 1st level picking everything up and you head towards the cash registers, keep in mind several things. One, 10 items or less lanes, Two, self-checkout lanes, Three, express lanes are also available on the ends of the store as everyone typically clusters towards the middle. Not to worry too much, however, because at this point in the morning, you'll find cashiers a plenty still having a smile on their face. In and out of IKEA in about an hour. Back in time to see Tiger destroy the rest of the field at the Open Championship.
IKEA might be new to folks in Atlanta, but I have been spoiled by having IKEAs as near as two miles from my house in San Diego, so experience certainly comes into play with the strategy.
First of all, setting yourself up for success before you even leave the house. Sure, making a list and checking it twice is always nice, but more importantly is to take advantage of your surroundings. The Southeast, Deep South, Dirty South, whatever, is also known as the "Bible Belt."Knowing this, do your shopping on Sunday mornings. The folks at IKEA are Swedish. They are also all about uniformity. The same uniformity that gives you lower prices and assemble it yourself shelving also gives you a store that opens at 10 a.m. no matter what day of the week it is. It should also be noted that IKEA serves a decent enough breakfast starting at 9:30 a.m. for prices that can't be beat... $0.99 for scrambled eggs, potatoes or grits, bacon or sausage and little swedish pancakes with tasty swedish jelly. So if you want to make your experience even more stress free, take in the grub. Knowing that it opens at 10... set your DVR, TiVO or whatever device you have to record the hour or so of the Open Championship that you'll be gone during. Finally, grab your iPod. A bit geeky, I'll admit, but you get to shut out the drone of first time visitors saying, "ohhhh, look at that, don't you think that will look good in the "whatever" room," and, "this stuff is so modern."
The next key piece of this is to plan your route accordingly, both getting to the store and within the store itself. Like the "Sheep Phenomenon," IKEA prides itself on being able to direct people. So direct they do... into the bi-level parking garage underneath the store, into overflow lots across the street and even across the freeway. If you follow the logical course of driving as close to the store as you can before parking, you will get caught up in this phenomon and end up perhaps further from IKEA then when you got in your car to start your trip. The secret batcave entrance to IKEA is located at the traffic light on 17th street by the Art Foundry townhomes. Instead of going "towards" IKEA, go in the direction "away" from IKEA. You'll find yourself on a two lane street going under 17th Street that, voila, puts you right in front of IKEA. You have your choice of the catacomb like underground parking garage or go to the small open parking lot next to the "Family" parking lot.
Once inside, IKEA again, attempts to herd you through their showrooms. And they are effective showrooms. Amazingly, anything that shows up in a showroom is likely to be sold out downstairs. To buck this trend, make a left at the top of the escalators instead of a right. Go backwards. If you start to see arrows pointing you the other direction, then you are going the right way. Working the showfloor backwards also enables to spend a little bit of time at each of the modules, since the mass of people are still bottlenecking at the front. The other almost renegade move is to know your shortcuts. IKEA, although a maze of sorts, does allow for direct travel with shortcuts tucked in corners and behind displays. After a few visits, you should know what you do and don't need to spend time at.
Once you have decided what you want, navigate through the 1st level picking everything up and you head towards the cash registers, keep in mind several things. One, 10 items or less lanes, Two, self-checkout lanes, Three, express lanes are also available on the ends of the store as everyone typically clusters towards the middle. Not to worry too much, however, because at this point in the morning, you'll find cashiers a plenty still having a smile on their face. In and out of IKEA in about an hour. Back in time to see Tiger destroy the rest of the field at the Open Championship.
